you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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