Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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