I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
