my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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