we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
