I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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