have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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