Cold hands, warm shart.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
