Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
