I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
