If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
