we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
