Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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