i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
