How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
