Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
