he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
