1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
