Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
