Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
