Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
