Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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