His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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