We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
