NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
