U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
