I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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