So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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