Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
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