I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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