Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
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