He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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