why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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