I accidentally burped into my bong.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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