You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
