flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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