I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
