I cannot find my penis.
People in love make me want to vomit
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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