I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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