I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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