similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
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Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
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It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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