shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
