Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You ruined the universe
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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