I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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