just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
