What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
