i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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