Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
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it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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