Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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