forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
