Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize