are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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