Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
