Need sex. Gaining weight.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize