Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
