perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
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This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
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She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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