the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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