Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize