I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
