She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
