i just wanna soil my oats bro
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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