My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
