The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
