Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
