just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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