let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
