And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
