the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
