Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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